It can be quite baffling how a woman could not know that her man is gay after dating him for sometime.
While the stereotypically view of gay men are as flamboyant, cross dressing wannabe females, not all gay men display what are typically considered to be “gay tendencies.” Blessing Ukemena writes with report from Madamnoire..com.
This gay thing seems to be everywhere now. However, it is not celebrated in Nigeria or most African countries, but that does not mean it does not exist here. Some gay men, like recently out-of-the-closet NBA player Jason Collins, are the average, athletic, masculine men who date women.
Even Collins’ ex said she had no idea that he was gay. So, what is a woman with such a case to do? There is no sure-fire way to tell if your man might secretly be into men, but here are a few clues that you might want to look out for, if you have your suspicions.
1. Effeminate Tendencies
Let’s be clear: not all men who display effeminate qualities are gay. But most men are aware of things women typically do…and try to avoid doing them. If he walks with a sway, like a woman would, or has a “dainty” way about him that seems to come naturally, you might want to keep an eye open. Again, some men simply have a “way” about them that comes off as feminine, but you know the difference between feminine and secretly wanting to be a girl.
2. Overly Sensitive
Again, just because a man is sensitive doesn’t mean he’s gay, and honestly, most women wish their men were a bit more caring and affectionate. But if your man is overly emotional and cries at the drop of a hat, then he should be checked.
One can’t automatically assume that a man who expresses himself in an emotional way is homosexual, just like there is no way of telling that a “manly-man” is straight. A man, who is gentle and caring, is a great catch, but an overly sensitive man may be one of several indicators that he prefers men over women. Not a fact, just an observation.
3. Loves Guy Adult Videos
The first two examples given could go either way, but a man who watches gay male adult videos should be a flashing signal that your man might be gay. Whether he watches it openly or you “discover” it, you may want to ask him what his fascination is with watching men have sex.
It’s one thing to “stumble” across it while searching through adult video sites, and another to actually enjoy watching it regularly. The main reason people watch adult videos is to become aroused, so if watching other men have sex excites him, you probably have an answer as to whether or not your man is gay.
4. Homophobic Behaviour
Sure, there are some men who are turned off by homosexuality, but they usually can keep their feelings to themselves and keep it moving. As long as no gay men hit on them or disrespect them in any way, they’re cool – and probably even have gay friends. But if your man displays extremely homophobic behaviour when none is warranted, then he could be hiding something.
Sometimes, down low men try to lash out at other gay men to take the suspicion off themselves. By making “gay” jokes or if he seems particularly angry towards gay men or their behaviour for no apparent reason, he could be trying to throw you off his scent.
5. He Cross-dresses
Some men can try to put on his woman’s clothes as a joke, but not too many straight men find any humour in that. This is not for the actors, but it’s about the guy you catch wearing your teddy, bra, panties, blouses and your lipstick when you come home early unexpectedly. That dude. Again, he may just have some freaky fantasies, but he also could secretly wish he was a woman too.
6. Flirts With Men
There is no one straight man that ogles or flirts with other men, so this just seems like an obvious one to me. Sure, your man may be friendly towards everyone, but if he seems overly complimentary of a guy’s physical appearance, touches them or winks at another dude even if he says he’s just being “playful” – run for the hills.
7. Calls From Men
Most women know who their man’s male friends are, and your man talking to them regularly on the phone is no big deal. But if he gets a ridiculous amount of calls from random men that you don’t know, or that he had never mentioned to you before, it might be time to put up a red flag. If these are not business calls, but seemingly lingering or personal calls, you better be a bit concerned and ask him about it.
8. One ‘Special’ Friend
It’s not weird for a man to have a best friend. But if he spends more alone time with one particular man than he does with you, that’s cause for concern. If they go out to watch the game every week or play basketball, cool.
But if they’re holed up somewhere for hours at a time, or seem to take several vacations together that don’t include you and another woman, you might want to consider that they have a level of intimacy that goes above a “romance.” Most men save that time for their woman, not their male friend. You’ll just have to go with your gut on this one. So, if you think something is up, it probably is.
While the stereotypically view of gay men are as flamboyant, cross dressing wannabe females, not all gay men display what are typically considered to be “gay tendencies.” Blessing Ukemena writes with report from Madamnoire..com.
This gay thing seems to be everywhere now. However, it is not celebrated in Nigeria or most African countries, but that does not mean it does not exist here. Some gay men, like recently out-of-the-closet NBA player Jason Collins, are the average, athletic, masculine men who date women.
Even Collins’ ex said she had no idea that he was gay. So, what is a woman with such a case to do? There is no sure-fire way to tell if your man might secretly be into men, but here are a few clues that you might want to look out for, if you have your suspicions.
1. Effeminate Tendencies
Let’s be clear: not all men who display effeminate qualities are gay. But most men are aware of things women typically do…and try to avoid doing them. If he walks with a sway, like a woman would, or has a “dainty” way about him that seems to come naturally, you might want to keep an eye open. Again, some men simply have a “way” about them that comes off as feminine, but you know the difference between feminine and secretly wanting to be a girl.
2. Overly Sensitive
Again, just because a man is sensitive doesn’t mean he’s gay, and honestly, most women wish their men were a bit more caring and affectionate. But if your man is overly emotional and cries at the drop of a hat, then he should be checked.
One can’t automatically assume that a man who expresses himself in an emotional way is homosexual, just like there is no way of telling that a “manly-man” is straight. A man, who is gentle and caring, is a great catch, but an overly sensitive man may be one of several indicators that he prefers men over women. Not a fact, just an observation.
3. Loves Guy Adult Videos
The first two examples given could go either way, but a man who watches gay male adult videos should be a flashing signal that your man might be gay. Whether he watches it openly or you “discover” it, you may want to ask him what his fascination is with watching men have sex.
It’s one thing to “stumble” across it while searching through adult video sites, and another to actually enjoy watching it regularly. The main reason people watch adult videos is to become aroused, so if watching other men have sex excites him, you probably have an answer as to whether or not your man is gay.
4. Homophobic Behaviour
Sure, there are some men who are turned off by homosexuality, but they usually can keep their feelings to themselves and keep it moving. As long as no gay men hit on them or disrespect them in any way, they’re cool – and probably even have gay friends. But if your man displays extremely homophobic behaviour when none is warranted, then he could be hiding something.
Sometimes, down low men try to lash out at other gay men to take the suspicion off themselves. By making “gay” jokes or if he seems particularly angry towards gay men or their behaviour for no apparent reason, he could be trying to throw you off his scent.
5. He Cross-dresses
Some men can try to put on his woman’s clothes as a joke, but not too many straight men find any humour in that. This is not for the actors, but it’s about the guy you catch wearing your teddy, bra, panties, blouses and your lipstick when you come home early unexpectedly. That dude. Again, he may just have some freaky fantasies, but he also could secretly wish he was a woman too.
6. Flirts With Men
There is no one straight man that ogles or flirts with other men, so this just seems like an obvious one to me. Sure, your man may be friendly towards everyone, but if he seems overly complimentary of a guy’s physical appearance, touches them or winks at another dude even if he says he’s just being “playful” – run for the hills.
7. Calls From Men
Most women know who their man’s male friends are, and your man talking to them regularly on the phone is no big deal. But if he gets a ridiculous amount of calls from random men that you don’t know, or that he had never mentioned to you before, it might be time to put up a red flag. If these are not business calls, but seemingly lingering or personal calls, you better be a bit concerned and ask him about it.
8. One ‘Special’ Friend
It’s not weird for a man to have a best friend. But if he spends more alone time with one particular man than he does with you, that’s cause for concern. If they go out to watch the game every week or play basketball, cool.
But if they’re holed up somewhere for hours at a time, or seem to take several vacations together that don’t include you and another woman, you might want to consider that they have a level of intimacy that goes above a “romance.” Most men save that time for their woman, not their male friend. You’ll just have to go with your gut on this one. So, if you think something is up, it probably is.
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