I Gave Away My Virginity to Man, 35, But is He Using Me?

I GAVE my virginity away to the man I have been dating for the last couple of months but we are not in a relationship and I don’t know how to approach him about it.

The Letter:

I am 18 and he is 35 next month. He will be meeting my mum soon as I want to put her mind at ease and prove that he is not some creep, as everyone seems to think he is.

I expected there to be some strong views about me seeing him because people think the difference in our ages is very negative and that it is wrong for us to be seeing one another.

They say it is creepy and so on but I am very happy I gave him my virginity. Even so, the things people have been saying worry me slightly as his last girlfriend was also teenager.

We have been out for coffees, had romantic walks, etc. but still nothing seems to be good enough to satisfy people that he is not using me.

I am worried about asking him if we can be in a relationship in case he turns round and says he is not ready. I don’t know what I would do then. I don’t want everyone who said he is only after one thing to be proved right.

I strongly believe he is not like that but sometimes I do think about how much older than me he is and wonder if it is odd. The negativity all around me brings me down.

What can I do?

The Response:

We are sure you are a lovely girl but why is this man not relating to someone in his own age group?

You and he appear to be just friends – plus sex. Sex is for couples in a relationship who really care for one another, not for friends who have coffee and go for walks.

The risk here is that when he decides to move on – maybe because he thinks you are getting too close or dependent on him – you will feel seriously rejected.

Maybe deep down you know this and it is why you have found it so difficult to broach the subject of where this ‘relationship’ is going. You fear the reply you know he will give, or that he will just walk away.